MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: JIMMY 09

This week the Democratic Party officially offered to put our country’s future in the hands of a inexperienced and unqualified young man simply because of his looks. Any hope for a respectable commander-in-chief was lost only days later when the Republican Party decided to put the safety of our families in a time of war into the hands of a complete stranger simply because she’s a girl person. Are we going to stand around and let the future of the United States be determined via a high school popularity contest? I hope not.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m writing this today to announce my candidacy for President of the United States.

If you are clapping, thank you, but stop it. We are supposedly at war, our economy is in trouble, and the prices of fuel continue to rise dramatically. Instead of addressing this, the major candidates call us stupid and assume we’ll make our decision based on looks. This presidential race needs to be about the issues, not who has the best sneakers.

If you have goosebumps, I sort of see why. I'd also like to announce we have started our own political party. A party that has a set of beliefs, stances, and morals that should appeal to any decent human being. In the rare case you find yourself questioning any of our partie's stances, please remind yourself you might be a scumbag. Then simply reevaluate everything you believe in and you should be all set. It sounds complicated, but we've found an 'idiot proof' method. We simply gathered some geniuses, then took all the major issues and said to them “What’s the right way to feel about that?”

Then we took their answer, and felt that way from now on. The hope is people will gradually hear about us, think about their feeling on major issues, then not feel the wrong way, and join.

Symbolically the Democrats use the donkey. The republicans use the elephant. Our party uses the strong, determined symbol of the ram. Our name derives from the term for a dominant male ram, known a the ‘tup’. We’ve also embraced the fact that this party formed as result of the other major parties losing their focus. Not us ,we are fully aware.

Therefore, I'd proudly like to introduce the: Tup-Aware Party

...if you are clapping now it's ok. Do it for a few more minutes.